Time and time again you’ve asked me what the requirements are to be an au pair, and I assure you, you don’t need fancy degrees to be able to give love to children. In this list, you’ll find the adjectives that most au pairs have in common. These are simple qualities that we all possess, or that we often don’t know we have until we experience the situation firsthand. Honestly, before leaving for an experience like this, I didn’t fully know all the sides of my character. Little by little, I let them emerge, I improved them, and now I’m happy to have the full picture.
10 reference adjectives
1) Curious: an au pair is a girl who dives headfirst into new experiences without overthinking it. She has a great spirit of adventure and adaptability. Her heart is fueled by a strong desire to explore, to live every day—and therefore life—to the fullest. She isn’t satisfied with a little walk in the city, but prefers reaching far-off places using different means of transport. She loves taking photos; in fact, she would capture anything that sparks an emotion. Personally, as soon as I arrived in Romsey, I was fascinated by the front doors of the houses—all so colorful and shiny that they sparkled in my eyes. I must have taken over twenty shots, stopping in front of every single gate. Passers-by might have taken me for a “crazy girl,” but I didn’t pay much attention. The little doors and the roofs of the houses were the highlights of my first week.
2) Cheerful: an au pair must be a bright, smiling, and happy girl. I understand that very often the gloomy London weather or the heavy rain in Lisbon might not help, but once you’re there, you won’t even notice. Dancing in a storm will be the greatest joy, jumping in muddy puddles will make your kids proud of their newly arrived “big sister,” and above all, you’ll feel reborn. Always remember that a smile given to a passer-by, the bus driver, or a very British old lady will make you feel better, especially if it’s returned.
3) Creative: imagination must be the key to opening children’s hearts. You need to know how to use it, how to handle it as you like, and in return, you’ll see results. We were all children once and we know very well what particularly struck us in the past. Well, project your memories into your present, into your daily life. I have beautiful memories of spending the whole afternoon drawing, painting, and creating things with small scraps of material. Rummage through your “personality closet” to show off a brand-new side of yourself. Use your past, improve it, and create some magic for your kids. You’ll be their point of reference during playtime and creative moments, so act like a great expert. They’ll be so amazed and stunned that they’ll want nothing more than to sit at the table and play with you.
4) Patient: an au pair must be able to handle difficult situations. On a bad day, for example, when you see that your child is being really grumpy, don’t let it get you down easily. Don’t lose your cool, but use your imagination. Be resourceful, push your limits, and find a solution. Suggest alternatives, ask the child what they’d like to do, where they’d like to go, or what they’d like to eat!
Here’s an example that will definitely help you understand what I mean: you have a beautiful, red, tasty apple and your little one has dug their heels in—they don’t want to eat it! A common tactic is to get angry, blackmail them (if you don’t eat the apple, we won’t do this), or just give in. None of these is the right solution. You have to play with the apple, involve the child, and reach a compromise! Take the fruit, cut it in half—better yet, give them a plastic knife and let them participate. That way, you’ll share the apple. You try a piece, and they’ll do the same. With simple gestures and a smile on your face, you’ll get what you want.
5) Helpful: an au pair is a help, a support for the family, a point of reference. Flexibility is always rewarded and, above all, meeting each other halfway is fundamental; as in all families, there can be emergencies or unexpected events—for example, your host mum is late coming home from work (in English we say: She is stuck in a traffic jam) and so you have to look after the children a bit longer. The beauty of it is that it’s all about give and take, and gestures made from the heart are always appreciated. In my personal experience, I remember that one afternoon I was ironing the children’s school uniforms and, just a bit further away, I saw some of the dad’s shirts that he would need the next day. I knew perfectly well that Nick would have ironed them in the evening, but to help him out, I wanted to take care of them myself and leave them on the edge of the bed. When he got back, he was surprised and thanked me over and over again. Same situation with host mum Luisa’s lab coats, since she worked in a hospital. It always felt natural to help them, seeing as they were always tired.
I mentioned give and take because one Saturday afternoon I found my own clothes ironed on my bed. This was the kind of family I wanted and that, fortunately, I found!
6) Open to new cultures: an au pair should immerse themselves completely in the culture, habits, and customs of the host country, taking an active part in it. I’ve always had the desire to taste new foods, participate in the many holidays, learn about the local history, legends, events, or simply the strangest curiosities. I’d focus mainly on the food. In nine months of experience, I gained 12 kg!! I love English food—maybe I’m the only one who says so. I miss the classic Friday “fish & chips,” I can still imagine the warm and delicious “apple pie, apple crumble,” and so on, not to mention the international cuisine. Typical Indian, Taiwanese, and Chinese dishes were my downfall. I might go into more detail on this in a separate article to suggest some recipes!
7) Dreamer: an au pair always has a backpack ready, a notebook to jot down places to visit, and she daydreams. She believes in the goodness of people and wants to know their stories. She dreams of a vintage-style life, where the protagonist savors every sunrise and sunset. She isn’t a boring or monotonous girl; in fact, she catches all the nuances that life has to offer. She loves getting lost in her infinite thoughts, eating on the street, and listening to good music. An au pair looks up and watches the sky.
8) Knows what she wants: you have to have goals in life. Each of you should ask yourself: “Why do I want to do this experience?” Well, there are many answers: to earn some money, to learn the language, to make new friends, to live in another country, to escape monotony, to detach from reality and try to understand who I really am… you must be determined to achieve your plans. Attend a school (colleges aren’t that expensive) and you’ll make new friends as a result! Improve your English—do it for yourself but also for your future. Little by little, you’ll feel fulfilled.
9) Stand up for yourself: each of you has rights and duties; the former must never be forgotten. Use dialogue—sit at the table and discuss problems peacefully and with respect. There’s no point in being defensive, but talking about everything is! Stand your ground, give suggestions to the parents, express your point of view regarding the child’s behavior. A good habit would be to sit on the sofa at the end of the day with a cup of tea and talk to each other. This is also a way to define your role and to do great teamwork, which is helpful for the child.
10) Knowing how to have fun: this is the point I like best. Last but not least, girls, know how to have fun with the little ones and the older ones too! Go out, unwind! Parties are waiting for you and nights out with friends will be unforgettable!
Visit, explore, get lost, find your way back. Be spontaneous. Be yourself. Be alive.
